Categories
Rewritten Psalms

Psalm 6

God don’t be angry with me
I am trying to follow your path!
Be patient with me
as I am trying to be patient with you.
How long must I be stuck at this impasse?

Be with me now, O Lord
Surround me in your infinite love
So that I may live to serve you
And praise your name.

I am so tired of feeling lost;
Feeling like every path I am on is a dead end.
I am tired of waiting for my path
to go in the direction I know it should take.

Don’t let me give into my frustration and loneliness.
Help me to remember you walk this path with me.
I know that you hear my prayers
and will always be there to guide me.
Replace my fear with trust;
my impatience with love;
So that I may always walk with you.

For the original Psalm visit https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=psalm+6&version=NRSV

Categories
Poetry

Unmasking

They called you shy
They called you different
They called you awkward
They called you weird
They called you unlovable

So you put on your masks one layer at a time…

A mask of false confidence
A mask of uniform interests
A mask of mindless chatter
A mask of normalcy
A mask of protection

Layers and layers of masks
Until you didn’t recognize yourself
Habits that aren’t yours
But habits that define you anyway

So you chip away at the masks
Making cracks
To let your light shine through

But is hard work
Breaking free is exhausting
And you find yourself wondering
If you are strong enough
To break free on your own

But you don’t have to do it alone
You just have to let people love you
Let your guard down enough
To let their love shine through
To help widen the cracks

Until finally…

You can break free
To be who you truly are
And know that you are loved
Just for being you

Categories
Poetry

Do you feel like a Christian Now?

Content warning: This poem is about sexual assault.

Do you feel like a Christian now?

Do you feel like a Christian now when you spew hate in the name of “showing people the way”?

When you tell people that their faith is wrong…
                             …that they are stupid…
                                           …that they are going to hell.

Do you feel like a Christian when you wield your keyboard like a sword…
…cutting down anyone you deem unworthy…
              …feeling no responsibility to pick them up again.

Because I don’t feel like a Christian when I want to scream at you to stop spreading your hate.

I don’t feel like a Christian when my hatred of you burns so deeply in my soul…
…each word of hate you speak only fueling my hatred of you and “Christians” like you.

Do you feel like a Christian now when you perch above those you deem unworthy and spew your judgement upon them?

When you decide the ways they express their sexuality is immoral…
                             …telling them who they should or shouldn’t love…
                                           …telling them the way they express their love and sexuality is wrong.

Because I don’t feel like a Christian now when I remember how you chose to express your sexuality.

When I think about it and it makes me want to hit you in your stupid, judgemental face!

Did you feel like a Christian then?

That night you came and I was already too drunk to take care of myself and yet you convinced me to keep drinking with you
until we were the only two left.

Did you feel like a Christian then?

              When I showed you to a bed for the night and you chose to follow me to my room instead.

Did you feel like a Christian then?

              When you woke in my bed and I wasn’t there.

Did you feel like a Christian then?

              When you realised that I left my house in the middle of the night like I had done something wrong.

Because I didn’t feel like a Christian then.

                           When I woke up on friend’s couch trying to piece together what happened the night before….
  …I shouldn’t have drank so much…
  …I shouldn’t have let you in my room…
  …I shouldn’t have let you kiss me…
  …I should have been clearer…
…I should have fought…
…I should have screamed…
…I shouldn’t have just lain there letting my body go into shock…
…it was my fault.

And I don’t feel like a Christian now.

I don’t feel like a Christian now when I am in a room of men and intellectually, I know I am perfectly safe
but I still have to fight the instinct to run away … to protect myself.

I don’t feel like a Christian now when a friend unexpectedly, gently touches my shoulder from behind in a way that reminds me of you,
and I have to suppress an urge to turn around and hit them.

I don’t feel like a Christian now when I have built up so many walls around myself that I can’t find a way to let anyone else in.

And I certainly don’t feel like a Christian when now – 10 years later – I still think of you every time I pray “as we forgive those who trespass against us” and I cannot forgive you! 
I cannot let go of what you have taken away from me.  
I don’t feel like a Christian now.

So, tell me…
…do you feel like a Christian now?

Categories
Rewritten Psalms

Psalm 5

Listen to my cries, O Lord;
And hear the words I speak in silence.
I pray to you, O God,
that each morning you hear my voice;
as I share my joys and fears with you,
and wait for your call.

For you find no joy in pain and suffering;
There is no room for wickedness in your love.
The boastful and those who cause harm
separate themselves from you.
Those who speak lies are lost to you
and cannot fully know your truth.

As I enter your house, O Lord,
Wrap my in your abundant love
As I am in awe and reverence
of your great works.
Lead me on your path, O Lord,
and help me not to stray
even if those around me
give into self-serving actions.

Do not let me mistake their words for truth
and be led down a path of destruction.
There words are hollow
and without depth.
Help them to see the error in their ways.
To see the way there greed is hurting others.
So the may no longer be separate from you.

But let all who already know sing for joy
that they are a part of your loving community.
Be with them and continue to guide them
so that may sing your praises.
For you blessings run deep
for everyone who welcomes you into their lives.

For the original Psalm visit https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Psalm+5&version=NRSV

Categories
Rewritten Psalms

Psalm 4

Hear me, O Lord
You who came to me in my time of need
Hear now my prayer

How long we will cling to this system of inequity
Shaming people who fight for the rights of others
God you have called us all to care for one another
Open the ears and hearts of people in power to our cries for justice

Help us to remain faithful to you
To speak from a place of love and not hatred
Guide our words and our actions
As we trust in you

There are so many searching for your light
Who are surrounded by darkness
Be with them and those around them
So your light may shine through all people

So that there may finally be peace and balance in this world
And so that everyone on earth may know your love.

For the original Psalm visit https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Psalm+4&version=NRSV

Categories
Rewritten Psalms

Psalm 3

There are so many voices around me
Telling me what I am supposed to do
How I should live my life
Trying to pull me away from the path you set for me

But I trust in you God
I will follow where you call me
Build my life on your foundation
In your time

I am strengthened by your voice
Confident in your call
I will go where you lead me
And walk a path of my own

Be with me God
Drown out the voices
That try to lead me astray
Open their hearts to your wisdom

For if we all follow your true path
People everywhere will know your blessing

For the original Psalm visit https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Psalm+3&version=NRSV

Categories
Rewritten Psalms

Psalm 2

Why do we create such division in the world?
Countries and people plotting against each other in a quest for power.
People chose money and power over the way of the Lord
Hoarding resources and leaving little for others.

Where is God’s wrath to strike down the mighty and lift up the poor?
When will God set the righteous and worthy in places of power?
And how will God guide them to maintain their righteousness?

O God has not the time come to correct the injustices in the world
So that we may take refuge in you?

For the original Psalm visit https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=psalm+2&version=NRSV

Categories
Rewritten Psalms

Psalm 1

Be a blessing to everyone you meet
Do not sit idly by and watch injustice happen
Stand up for what is right
Be the good in the world

Like a tree giving oxygen to the world
Breath new life into goodness
So that it may grow in everyone around you

Create strong roots grounded in love
So you can endure all things

A person grounded in hatred will whither away
Like a lonely plant in the hot sun

Do not give in to the destruction of selfishness and greed.
God will be with you
Nurturing the goodness in you
And helping you grow in LOVE

For the original Psalm visit: https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=psalm+1&version=NRSV

Categories
Rewritten Psalms

Introduction

This summer I came across James Taylor’s book “Everyday Psalms”. In his book he re-writes Psalms in holding on to the theme of the Psalm and applying that theme to his experiences of the world.

Over the past few months I have rewritten a few Psalms with my experience. It has being an opportunity to spend time in prayer and reflect on what is happening in my life and the world around me. I hope that sharing my reimagining of these scriptures will inspire you to spend some time reflecting on the Psalms (and encourage me to engage in this practice a bit more routinely!)

Categories
Beauty in Brokenness

Love Without Holding Back

As I was walking today this tree caught my eye because it looks tall and strong and yet near the base of the trunk there is a large hole that looks like it may be the home to an animal.  This hole was not always a part of the tree.  Wood chips at the bottom of the hole suggest that it was hollowed out by an animal.  Because the tree is healthy and strong it is able to withstand this damage but if the hole was any larger or the tree was in a harsher climate it would be at risk of serious damage.

It left me wondering how do we determine how much we give of ourselves to care for others?

Something that I have been trying to be mindful of lately is to love without holding back.

That has involved some changes in my life that have been relatively pain free and other changes that are little less pain free.

For a long time I have avoided commenting on public Facebook posts in the name of preserving my own mental health but recently I have realized that a little bit of added frustration in my life could make a big difference in the life of someone else.

I realized the importance of speaking out as there was an increase in LGBTQ2SI+ videos coming up in my newsfeed.  For the most part comments tended to be positive and supportive but on every post there was at least one person who was condemning natural behaviors and expression of self in the name of Christianity.

I felt it was important to speak out and make sure that it was known that all Christians do not interpret scripture this way and that people in the LGBTQ2SI+ community don’t have to choose between their faith and their gender or sexual orientation.

I am confident enough in my faith that it doesn’t hurt me when I am told I am bad Christian or going to hell for speaking out in support of the LGBTQ2SI+ community so with little personal cost I have been able to speak at little more love into a public forum.

In my personal life I am finding speaking out love is a little (okay, a lot) more challenging.

I have always loved deeply but that may not have always been apparent to the people around me.  Most of my family will openly and confidently say, “I love you” to anyone they care about but that has never been comfortable for me.  That difference of expression led to a game in our family for a while of them trying to get me to say it back.  Every time I talked to my mom or one of my sisters they would end the conversation by saying “I love you” and I would respond with a quick and awkward, “Okay, bye!”

As a child communicating anything in words was not my preference so saying, “I love you” just felt unnatural.  Although I still prefer to communicate through action and subtext, to say that is still the reason why I struggle to verbally express my love would not be entirely true.

If I am being honest with myself that hesitancy to speak out is now much more rooted in fear.
Fear of rejection.
Fear that even if the love is reciprocated we may not be in the same place.
Fear of the changes love brings.

No longer letting myself be held back by that fear has brought some positive changes in my life – like the friend who I had a conversation with about how much we were missing each other so now we have scheduled regular plans so we can connect more deeply – but it has also opened me up to places of hurt.  Those fears are not ungrounded.  They are things that I am sure I will occasionally experience the rest of my life but speaking out love has helped to realize that I will experience those things even if I keep silent.  It is a slower and perhaps less intense pain but not speaking out still cuts you off from any potential deepening of relationship.

But what do you do when that potential for a deeper relationship is not met?  Someone not loving you or not loving you in the same way doesn’t make your feelings go away.  So how do you honour that love without giving too much of yourself away?

These are questions that I will continue to struggle with but as I reflect on them I will hold on to the memory of the tree that is able to provide shelter because it is in a place of strength and I will continue to look for things that bolster my inner strength as I continue to attempt to navigate the complexities of love.