You have broke into my head this week…
…unbidden…
…just as you broke into me body so many years ago…
…and broke me.
Looking back, I should have foreseen what was going to happen.
You were so gentle creating cracks in me…
…until you were ready to shatter me…
…with one final blow.
Are you even aware of the damage you caused?
Do you know that you left me so broken
that I was afraid to acknowledge it?
…afraid that if I picked up the pieces, they would cut me…
…cut me so deep that I would never recover.
So, I let it go…
…I thought I moved on…
…but in truth I was standing still…
…marking time…
…gently holding the pieces of myself together…
…subconsciously knowing the one false move, one tiny misstep could make me fall apart.
But I can no longer pretend I have all the piece…
…can no longer pretend I am still whole.
You have taken a part of me that I don’t know how to get back.
And in that open space has grown an overwhelming sense of guilt…
Because I should have known,
I should have seen what you were capable of.
I was even warned…
…warned that you were willing to take
a piece of someone you had no right to.
But as much I tried, I couldn’t quite believe her
because I thought I knew you.
I believe her now.
But it is too late…
It is too late for me to go back to that moment in time
and tell her I am sorry…
…to help her get the support she needed to heal from the hurt you caused.
I pray that she found that healing…
…but that mistake…that doubt…that is a stain on my heart that will never wash clean.
Every time you invade my mind I am left wondering if I should have spoken out.
Is keeping silent a naïve desire to see the best in everyone,
to believe that you could change.
Am I putting others at risk by staying silent?
I don’t want to ruin your life…
…but I also don’t want to let you hurt anyone else.